Fiddle Dee Dee
by Sabrina Empress of Insanity
Summary: A family reunion leads to imagination and pirates...though Eiji might not like his place on the crew! [Golden Pair]


_Author's Note: This is yet another fic written for the LJ golden-pair community's second annual Fic for a Pic contest. This picture had pirates. And...how it led to this, I'm not entirely sure. But I blame my little brother. He's the only seventeen year old I know who actually knows all the songs and dances to Lazy Town. So I dedicate this to him. Curse him and that catchy techno music!!!!  
_

Fiddle Dee Dee

_Yar har, fiddle dee dee…_

If someone didn't tell the kids to turn off that DVD, I was going to scream. Or hit something. Probably the television. Then I wouldn't have to listen any longer.

_If you like to sail the sea, you are a pirate!_

What was even worse was that it wasn't just the little kids, or even some of the older ones. _My brother_ was dancing along with them as well.

"Again!" Nagisa cried as the song ended, and the younger cousins cheered in agreement. Even Reika joined in, and she was almost in middle school. I could see her brother grin from the couch, no doubt thinking how cute his little sister was being. Funny how he did the exact same thing to my brother. Last I checked Eiji was not an eleven-year-old girl. _Why_ was he encouraging them? He was old enough to know better!

"This is the greatest children's show ever, nya!" Eiji cheered. "Where is it from, Masumi?"

Masumi was Nagisa's older sister by three years. She was eight. When your family is as big as ours, it gets to be second nature keeping track of everyone like that. "My friend at school likes it," she replied shyly. "He lets me borrow the DVDs."

"Masumi loooves him!" our cousin Hiroki teased. Typical ten-year-old boy. They never grew up.

"He is not!"

The other kids joined in. "Masumi likes a bo-oy!"

"Quit it!"

"Nagisa has a boyfriend!" Eiji chimed in with a mocking grin. Yeah…they never grew up.

I sighed. Seriously, he should know better. "So do you."

"Hey!"

"Be nice!" Reika chimed in with a hint of pleading. She looked back at her brother. "Syuichirou?"

Oishi finally rolled himself up from the couch and gently pulled my brother back by the shoulders. "Don't be mean to your cousins, Eiji."

Eiji frowned and made a playful face at Oishi. A second later, he was tugging at his arm with a huge grin. "Hey, join in, Oishi! It's pretty fun!"

"It's a children's television show from Iceland or something," I cried out in exasperation.

"So?"

"It has pirates!" Hiroyuki added excitedly. The two other boys shouted in agreement, their words punctuated with lots of, "arrs" and, "mateys." I dropped my head into my hands.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to," Oishi offered kindly. "We understand."

And therein lay the problem. Pirate songs with techno music was still less boring than listening to my parents, grandparents, and the full contingent of aunts and uncles talking real estate or whatever it was they'd moved on to when Grandma asked if Eiji, his friend, and I would go help keep the children entertained. I wished my older siblings were here instead of off enjoying college. My little cousins outnumbered us three to one, even with Oishi there since Eiji had invited his little sister as well. I sighed and dropped into the chair next to me. "It's fine," I mumbled. "Can't we just move on from this one song?"

I'd give anything to be out with my friends right now, but the whole family wasn't together very often, so I'd had to stay. Eiji had been annoyed at first, too, until Mom and Dad agreed that Oishi could come by. I couldn't talk anyone into coming over, though. Too many Kikumarus scared most sane people. Clearly, Oishi was not as normal as he seemed. Why else would he voluntarily join in the chaos?

"Are there any other good songs on this DVD?" Eiji asked, and all the kids began shouting at once. Thankfully, Oishi clapped his hands together like the teachers in school and the kids responded without thinking, mimicking him and quieting down. Where did he learn this stuff? Did he practice on Eiji?

…it was probably best not to think about that too much. He was my _brother_, after all. As cute at they were together, even I have my limits.

"I think Eiji's sister might be feeling left out," Oishi began kindly. "Maybe we should let her pick what to do next."

He really was a stunning example of the male species. Cute, athletic, thoughtful, good with kids, able to stay halfway sane around legions of lunatics including my brother…not my type at all, but still, what a waste. Lucky Eiji.

I realized that everyone's eyes were suddenly trained on me, and I snapped back to reality. It really wasn't fair for me to be such a killjoy. I'm sure some of the kids wanted to be doing their own thing as much as I did, but they were making do. And Eiji and Oishi had been trying to cheer me up all night, at least until the weird foreigners with pink hair started in with the techno-dancing pirate thing. "It's really all right," I said again, more kindly this time. "I'm just a little tired of this song, that's all. You all can figure out what do next. I don't have any ideas."

"More pirates!" the boys all demanded in chorus. The girls didn't seem quite as enthused.

"We don't have any pirate movies," I lied tragically, shooting a quick look at Eiji in case he didn't catch on. "Sorry."

A moment passed before Eiji caught on. "Who needs movies, anyway?" he added with a grin.

"Don't say anything about the 'power of our imaginations,'" Masumi sneered, trying to be mature. "It's just stupid."

"Stop trying to act so grown-up, Masumi. Your boyfriend isn't here."

"Shut _up_, Masaki!"

"Why can't we use our imaginations?" Oishi tried again. I winced. He sounded too forced this time. So much for the preternaturally paternal high schooler. "We can do so much more-"

"I'd be a better pirate than any of those guys in the movies, anyway," Eiji interrupted with a smug grin. "Definitely, nya."

I couldn't help it. I had to laugh. It was just too easy. "Yeah, right. You never even got to be the captain when we were kids, Eiji. Don't kid yourself."

Reika giggled, and Eiji frowned. "So? I was just a kid then. I'd be a great pirate."

"More like a cabin boy," I prodded teasingly. Oh, this was fun. Eiji was so easy to aggravate. The kids seemed to agree, too. All the cousins chimed in mockingly. Everyone knew the cabin boy was the joke of the pirate world. I kind of hoped none of them knew the other details, though. It was funny, but they were still little kids.

"No way!" Eiji protested angrily. "Not a chance!"

"You wouldn't even be a volunteer," I continued, really getting into it now. "You'd be like…one of those runaway nobles, the pampered ones in the frilly clothes, who stows away on a pirate ship by mistake. And _then_ you become the cabin boy."

"Because the captain has to make an example," Reika added softly, "but he doesn't want to kill you."

"Yeah," Hiroki laughed, "and you'd be seasick all the time!"

"I don't get seasick!" Eiji yelped, but no one was listening, not really. Even Oishi looked amused, though he did give my brother's shoulder a squeeze in sympathy.

"Poor little stowaway Eiji," I teased, "all dressed up and nowhere to go to get away from the pirates."

Eiji frowned, though it looked more like a pout to me. "Well, you wouldn't even be allowed on the ship. You'd be bad luck. They'd think you were a sea monster!"

Before I could laugh and tell him how stupid that sounded, Oishi stepped in. Always the peacekeeper, I guess. "Actually," he said gently, "they wouldn't let her on because they wouldn't want her to get hurt, I think."

Eiji glared at me, but he relaxed back against Oishi's arm over his shoulders. "Only if it was your ship," he replied snidely with a pointed look in my direction. "Everyone else would be afraid she would eat them alive."

"Kids," I pointed out in annoyance, but they didn't seem to have noticed the subtext there. Thank goodness. I wasn't about to deal with angry aunts harping on about corrupting their kids, much less my mother lecturing me.

"Oishi would be a good captain," Masaki mused. "He has all those muscles."

"I have muscles, too," Eiji mumbled petulantly, but everyone ignored him.

"And he's smart," Ichiro added thoughtfully. "He'd know how to trick all the rich traders into letting them on board."

"He could help with injuries, too," Reika offered with a proud smile at her older brother. "Syuichirou is really good at first aid."

"That part's not important," Hiroki scoffed, and Masaki hit him. "Yes it is! You don't want to be tossed overboard because you break your leg and can't go on raids because you can't get better, do you?"

"I think I'd like Oishi to be captain," Nagisa chirped innocently. "He's nice. If I were a pirate, I'd want a captain who was nice to me."

The boys laughed at how absurd the statement was, but Reika and Masumi shot each other looks that said clearly how stupid they thought the boys were being. Of _course_ a kind captain was important, they seemed to be saying silently. Who would want to be a pirate if they just got beaten up and yelled at all the time?

"I could do that!" Eiji pouted.

"Nah," I laughed. "You're too girly-looking. You'd look better as the noble-turned-cabin boy."

"I do not look girly!" Eiji shrilled, and Oishi jabbed an elbow into his side. "Ow! Hey, you're supposed to be on my side!"

"I'm the captain," Oishi replied matter-of-factly. "Besides, I like how you look."

"Ewww!"

"Oh, grow up," Eiji snapped at the girls, who just giggled again.

Ichiro looked thoughtful again. "Actually, Oishi doesn't have the right hair to be a pirate."

"That doesn't matter." Hiroki waved a hand dismissively. "He could wear a bandana and no one would know."

"And a matching scarf around his waist?" Masumi offered.

"Don't forget those cool jackets! Like a leather one, with fringe or something cool like that."

"What's next," I murmured to myself in amusement, "tight pants and an open shirt?"

Oishi caught my eye and winked. "Of course," he whispered back. "How else would I get the cabin boy?"

I flushed and made a face. "Okay, too much information."

"Oishi gets all the cool clothes," Eiji complained in the meantime. "You're all so unfair."

"Having better teeth doesn't mean you're better looking," I pointed out.

"But Syuichirou has good teeth, too," Reika protested softly, defending her brother.

"No one cares about a pirate's _teeth_." Masaki sounded scandalized. "That's for all the rich nobles and tradesmen and stuff."

"So Eiji really is the spoiled stowaway!" Masumi crowed triumphantly. "Ha ha, Eiji, you can't brush your teeth if you want to be a real pirate!"

"You are such jerks," Eiji grumbled. "Stupid little kids."

"I like noble clothes," Nagisa piped up cheerfully. "All the ruffles and lace and pretty gold buttons and things."

"Yeah, who cares about bandanas?" Masumi scoffed, siding against the boys again. "Stupid jail thugs wear bandanas, too, and they're not very cool. I think Eiji would be a very handsome noble," she finished decisively. "Even if he is our cousin."

"Oishi has a picture of him in one of those pretty velvet jackets," Reika offered with a smile. "From a school festival. He had the whole suit on. It was blue and matched his eyes."

Eiji winked at Reika and smiled. "At least Reika's nice to me." The little girl blushed and looked at her feet, smiling sheepishly.

"No flirting with my sister. I'm nice to you, too," Oishi murmured good-naturedly, and Eiji nestled in closer to him without replying.

"Cabin boys can't dress that nice," Ichiro started to protest, but Masaki overrode him. "Real cabin boys don't, but stupid stowaway nobles who don't know anything about pirates do. Don't you know anything?"

"No fighting," I warned, "or I'll get your Aunt Shiori and Uncle Takeshi."

That stopped all of them in their tracks. No one wanted any parents getting involved. Especially not Eiji's and mine.

After a moment, Nagisa couldn't stay silent any longer. "So if Oishi was captain, then he would have to let Eiji stay. He wouldn't make his best friend walk the plank."

"They wouldn't know each other before he stowed away," I pointed out. "Pirates got in a lot of trouble when they were caught, so they didn't spend time with a lot of people who weren't also pirates. How could they be best friends?"

"They could become best friends," Nagisa replied, completely confident in her assessment. "Eiji would get caught and taken to Captain Oishi and he'd be so nice that he wouldn't want to make him walk the plank, and then they'd be best friends."

"Not right away," Masumi chided. "Oishi would put him jail first."

"The brig," Hiroki corrected with a sneer.

"Whatever."

"Why would I put him in jail?" Oishi asked in confusion. "I wouldn't want to do that, even if he was a stowaway."

"A good captain has to set an example," Ichiro replied, aghast. "Of course you'd put him in the brig! Even if you didn't want to! You'd have to. It's the law."

"But you could let me out later," Eiji pointed out, finally getting into the spirit. "Once you got to know me."

"And then you'd be a cabin boy," I reminded him with a snicker. His face fell and he turned to stick out his tongue at me.

"So then what?" Nagisa asked eagerly.

I looked at my brother, his tongue stuck out as far as it could go with me, Oishi's arm around him, both of them snuggled up next to each other on the couch, and turned bright red. Okay, no. I definitely wasn't going to tell the kids _that_ part. _I_ didn't even want to think too much about that part!

…well, maybe a little, but preferably without my baby brother involved.

As I scrambled to try and think of something else, ideally G-rated and involving fully buttoned clothes, one of the aunts knocked on the open door and stepped in. "Ichiro, Masumi, Nagisa?"

"Yes, Mom?" all three siblings chimed in unison.

My aunt offered me an apologetic smile and looked back at her children. "I'm sorry, but your aunt and uncle need to clean up soon. We have to go now."

There was a chorus of groans, whines, and even a few tears on Nagisa's part, but when another aunt and both uncles appeared in the doorframe as well, all five of my cousins shuffled towards the door reluctantly.

"Man," Hiroki complained, "we never get to stay up late, even for family things. This stinks."

"Say goodbye to your cousins and your new friends," one of the adults reminded them, and the kids all turned.

"Bye, Eiji. Bye, Aya. Bye, Oishi. Bye, Reika."

Reika waved shyly, and Eiji and I called back, "See you next year."

"It was nice to meet you," Oishi added politely.

As the cousins were ushered out the door, Reika looked up at her brother. "Do we have to leave soon, too?"

"Probably." Oishi sounded just as reluctant as she did. I was _not_ thinking about the cabin boy and captain thing again, absolutely _not._ "Mom'll be expecting us."

Eiji groaned, and Oishi poked him lightly. "Don't start, too. We have school tomorrow."

"Yes, mother."

I hopped up quickly, turning my back on them pointedly. "Eiji, we need to say goodbye to everyone. And Grandma and Grandpa will be going to bed soon."

Even though I was looking away, I knew my brother was wrinkling his nose at me. "I know. Give me a second, all right? This couch is comfortable."

I shook my head and made my way to the front foyer without waiting for them to follow me. As I did, I thought hard about what homework I still had to do tonight, history specials on NHK, how much money I needed to earn at my part-time job to pay for those tickets to Okinawa with my friends for graduation at the end of the year, whether or not the Imperial Princess was being unfairly treated by the press…anything _but_ my brother and his boyfriend. Or pirates. Or other possible meanings for, "Yar har, fiddle dee dee."

Yeah. There were just some things I didn't want to think about.


End file.
